This Is One Battle I Think I'm Losing

Not a lot of people know this, but I've been in a lot of pain this last month or so. I try to keep it under wraps, go to school, do my homework, and not worry my parents, but the truth of the matter is that my body is falling apart. Only a few months ago I seemed to have it under wraps, but lately, with the extensive playing we've been going through in band and the effects of mental exhaustion, my spine and my Raynaud's seem to be rebelling against me. If I try to write, my hands tense up, swell, and send throbbing pains into every joint. If I sit, my back screams in protest and refuses to find a comfortable position. Even just perching myself at a lunch table is sometimes a chore, and sneaking pain killers at school is an act I hate performing. Besides, my body has grown more and more resistant due to continual use. Sometimes, I'm not even sure why I'm even taking them anymore-Maybe I just like to pretend they make me better. So this is what worries me-if this is how I am at sixteen-years-old, how will I be when I'm twenty? Or forty? I used to love shopping, or taking long walks with friends. Now, I tend to refuse such invitations on the grounds that I'm busy, when the fact of the matter is I just can't manage to walk non-stop for such long periods of time, and even if I could, I'd be severely regretting it later. Is this how I'm going to have to live for the rest of my life? Constant pain? It's gotten so bad that most of the time I can't even drive comfortably anymore. I hate what these conditions are doing to my body. I feel like I'm sixty, not sixteen, and although I try to live my life, it's starting to get harder and harder. So I guess my biggest question is-What if I forget what it feels like to live pain-free? It's looking more and more likely that that's going to be a reality. So I'm scared...what can I say.