Golf. Until recently, I had been under the impression that this was just a sport in which senile old men with intestinal problems got their jollies and Tiger Woods collected STD's like jelly beans...
Oh, how sorely wrong I was...Apparently, not only do my closest friends and family members view this so-called "sport", but even the Brits find cause to attend it! Wearing pants! Not only do I find this fact depressing, but I also feel that this travesty is an insult to the American people. If anyone should be wearing pants, it should be us. We are, after all, the same society which condoned such non-pants wearing behaviour in the smash-hit, "Pants on the Ground".
As for the other fact, that real, sensible people actually view golf, that still apalls me. If I really wanted to go see people hit balls around with metal sticks, I'd just travel the nearest bondage-themed strip club, payed for, courtesy of the Republican National Commitee.
So what is, exactly, the appeal? It's not like baseball, where you might be lucky enough to glimpse Sammy Sosa shooting up in a corner or Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez lip-locking in the dug-out. It's not football, where the likes of Jessica Simson and Janet Jackson have graced us with both their breasts and their bad-singing seem to be the highly amusing theme. It's not hockey, where handsome players marry attractive, slightly vapid country stars. And it's not basketball, a sport in which, l0-and-behold, their most beloved player is a man with an incurable STD.
The fact of the matter is, The Masters this year is recieving its highest ratings to date, and even though Tigergate may have something to do with it, I find myself realizing that almost everyone around me watches golf, and it's not because one man decided to "let it all hang out". So here's the conclusion I've come too-it's those bloody Brits. They're just so damn entertaining. And that, is golfs true appeal.